


Replacing You

by Stryfe



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst!, Excitement!, How to fuck with Cable (And not in the fun way): A guide, I will go down with these ships, I wrote this instead of eating dinner when I could have, M/M, Stryfe gets a new servant, so many pages
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:25:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8802562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stryfe/pseuds/Stryfe
Summary: Wade tries to replace Nate and all the negatives in his life after a painful fight with his best friend.





	1. Time to go

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners (Marvel, etc.). My stories may not be posted elsewhere or otherwise used or changed without my sole permission.

As far as Wade could remember his life had always been shitty. First, he'd started out life with an abusive, alcoholic asshole of a father who’d blamed him for his mother getting cancer and dying. Secondly, Wade had found out that Al had given him cancer to help Weapon X get a hold of him simply because his genes were just so great for testing on. Apparently the reason she’d actually stayed with him so long and refused to leave later was because she always “paid her dues.” Thirdly, all of his so called “friends” had known and never once told him. Fuckin’ assholes were lucky Wade didn’t kill them or make them permanently suffer in some way for that. Fourth, no matter how much he wanted it, Wade would never have Nate’s goddamn approval (*cough love cough*). Was it really hard to ask for Nate to look at him and say “You did amazing Wade!” and give him a hug or some seal of approval? Even when Wade inevitably messed up, would it be so hard to just give him a gentle frown and say “You did OK Wade, but you really can’t mess up like that again.” But no, it was always that damn panda faced whore that Nate preferred. What did Nate do when she messed up? Well, quite frankly, Wade didn’t actually know thanks to a variety of reasons like Neena being a fucking box of lucky charms and that she wasn’t clinically insane but he knew that Nate didn’t blow up on her like he did frequently on him. Not to mention how much he included Neena over him in all those stupid missions Nate would go on.

Wade knew he wasn’t perfect. He’d been insane for most of his life (Which consisted of a few decades so far) working as a mercenary, which didn’t give anyone great place to start with in terms of reputation. But after so long of trying to be a better person, why did groups like the Avengers, the X-men and Shield still treat him so badly when they knew Wade literally couldn’t help it? They continuously held Wade responsible for every single mistake even though all of the super heroes and Priscilla Summers  **knew** he was clinically insane. Did these people think Wade could control how insane he was on any given day? No, he couldn’t! His healing factor fluctuated on a whim! They expected him of all people to be like every other person who wanted to repent of their crimes: Get it right the first time and don’t fuck up again.

Why couldn’t people just take the time to understand all of this was beyond his control no matter how much he tried to reign it in?  Why couldn’t someone tell him “Great job Wade!” and mean it for once? Why couldn’t someone just look at a mistake he might make and say “It’s o.k., we all fail sometimes Wade but you’re improving so well!”? Was it so hard to realize that another human being needed the companionship and affection that any sentient being needed to function decently?

Well, it wasn’t like he had the answers to any of those questions and if he bothered mustering up the courage to ask someone? Well, they’d probably laugh at Wade or tell him some answer he didn’t want to hear. Which, uh, coincidentally might explain why he was walking up to Stryfe’s castle right now. Wade *might* have overheard Nathan talking about his evil clone being in a specific 41st century date and *might* have wondered if maybe Stryfe of all people might treat him better. “Why Stryfe?” you lovely readers might ask. The answer to that lies in the fact that Stryfe looks like Nate and if he can get Stryfe’s approval then in a roundabout way it would be like getting Nate’s approval for once. If he could get Stryfe to even smirk at him Wade would count that as some sort of win. And hey, maybe if Stryfe deemed his ugly ass worthy (or easy) enough to fuck, it would be like Nate found him good enough to sleep with too!

Stryfe seemed to have the whole bad guy thing down going for him too. His amazing castle-y fortress was made of some funny material that looked like it was a mesh of stone and metal. The entrance (Can you believe he was actually going to take the front door for once?) had multiple guards posted and a door any ruler would be ecstatic to have: mechanisms held fast on the outside of the gun metal gray door while guards seemed to be passing by or maybe standing near sniper holes in the walls. Not to mention the small contingent of soldiers guarding the outside gate. Shouldn't be too hard to get an audience with a sexy ruler, huh? Well, aside from the teeny, tiny little fact that this could end one of two ways: Either he died (over and over again) as was most likely to happen or somehow he could sweet talk the guards into an audience with Stryfe. Welp, here’s to hoping something good happens!

Making sure to keep his weapons put away, Wade began his casual stroll up the incline to the castle’s plateau. The guards had obviously noted his presence before he’d noticed their attention, given how their guns were cocked and ready. When Wade finally got within speaking distance, he heard one of them shout at him.

“Halt! Who are you?”

“Deadpool, king of Narnia, the merc with a mouth, the regenerating degenerate and most importantly some nobody from another time.” Wade grinned, finishing with a flourish. 

The guard’s lack of amusement was all too evident when he next spoke. “What do you want?” He snapped.

Holding his hands up slowly, Wade carefully (Did that word apply to him?!) chose his next words. “I’m here to see Stryfe. I wanted to talk to him about being his new pet assassin.” Well, shit. He had done fucked up already.

At the end of his sentence, a hard tension ran through the every single guard Wade could see. Clearly, assassin wasn’t the right word for Wade to choose so casually.

“Mmm, assassin, huh? Worst one I’ve ever seen if you think you can simply walk up to our gates.”

Oh god, how stupid were these fuckwits? … Well, actually Wade had used that plan successfully before but still! He wanted to see if Stryfe would say yes to having him and these guys were impeding that!

“Well, if I actually wanted to try to kill a fully empowered Psion who could stop a bullet with a passing thought then yes, I’m a complete and total moron.” Wade wasn’t going to give out any information on Nate. He **couldn’t** , not with how much he cared about the man. Maybe though, he could use some non-important sliver that hinted he knew Nate to draw Stryfe into a meeting. Wade is totally a genius, fuck you Stark! “ _But_ , considering I’m not completely stupid enough to think I can walk in and even think of trying to harm or kill Stryfe, I wanted to talk to him about working for him. I came from another century and I got tired of Cable’s bullshit so here I am.”

The bait Wade had dangled in front of the guard had clearly been taken when he hesitated in immediately shooting and/or dismissing him. Motioning for the other guards to lower their guns just enough to indicate a joyful ‘We won’t kill you yet’, the guard paused. “Wait right here.”

Aw, shit. Wade hated the waiting game; at least it shouldn’t be too long… Right?

 

 --------------------------------------------

“Lord Stryfe?”

Looking up from the vials of chemicals and papers strewn across his table, Stryfe glared at his second in command. “Haven’t I told you before not to interrupt me when I’m in my lab Garrus?”

Without hesitation Garrus spoke his business so that Stryfe's wrath would be (hopefully) placated.

“There is someone that wishes to speak with you at the front gate, my lord. He has stated his intent is to  your new “pet assassin” and mentioned that he was tired of “Cable’s bullshit.””

The brief widening of Stryfe’s eyes showed Garrus he was safe for now. “Cable?” Stryfe growled, murder dripping from his voice.

“Yes my lord.”

“Garrus, make sure you personally divest him of any and all weapons and drag him to the great hall. I’m going to finish up here and will be there shortly.”

 --------------------------------------------

**1 hour later**

As Wade had correctly guessed, he was bored. Even drawing pictures of his beloved Priscilla in the dirt with his feet didn’t help alleviate it. Probably because bending or moving too much would most likely get him shot (Ha, that’s what she said!). Wade’s luck must have changed for once (No it hadn’t, he was fucking screwed and he knew it) because an impressive looking fellow (Probably a manservant, what a loser) strutted up to him, stopping just a few feet short. The man didn’t have even a single dark brown hair out of place in his entire outfit which consisted of a fancy looking visor over his left eye, some guns Wade would _kill_ to have and what looked to be some sort of light yet flexible metal armor (Kinda like the living metal on Nate’s T.O. arm. Mmm, that arm of Nate’s was sexy) of some dark blue-ish color.

“Deadpool, I take it.” Ick, even his voice was all formal and manservant-y. “You may call me Garrus. I’m Stryfe’s second in command and I will be your escort to the great hall where you will meet with Stryfe personally. Along the way, we will stop in a room where you will be divested of any and all weapons, meaning you will be stripped naked. Any resistance or attempts to hide weapons with be met with lethal force. Have I made everything clear?”

“Yes your manservant-ness!” Wade giggled. Following him past the guards and into the castle, Wade had to admit: he was impressed. While not over the top fancy, the hallways and rooms that appeared in the Castle entrance were built for looks and functionality. The color scheme delved into varying colors of grays and blacks while they seemed like they might transition into other dark colors as they wove their way into other rooms. The designs were simple but elegant in taste considering Stryfe’s occupation as the leader of his own faction in the middle of a war.

“Wow, just sayin’, you guys have an amazing castle here. Who did you get to decorate this place? Can I get his number?”

“…”

“Mmm, silent treatment from the manservant. Kinky.”

Walking down the tall and open hallway, Wade followed close on Garrus’ heels until he took a sharp turn into what could have been the eighthdoor on the left. What? Wade was too busy staring and being impressed to count. Peeking into the room revealed  a spartan style which seemed to follow the general feel of the castle: it was an almost empty room aside from the three guards stationed at different corners and a table opposite the entrance with Garrus staring at him, waiting. Walking in, the door slammed shut behind him causing Wade to jump and turn to see what had caused it. A hidden fourth guard had shut the door, bringing the count of guards to four; five if you included the manservant and his pretty guns (Heh, weapons although Wade would tap Garrus’ ass if he could too).

“Well Deadpool, please feel free to start willingly stripping and placing all weapons on the table.”

“Question.” Wade asked, raising his left hand.

“Yes?”

“This table is like, a, uh… eight feet by four feet. If I have more than can fit on that, can I place them on the ground and am I allowed to keep pouches or no?”

The look of disbelief on Garrus’ face was all too evident in the way his gaze raked over Wade’s body. Wade was muscular of course, but given that he was in his skin tight spandex costume, it really didn’t look like Wade could be holding much more than the visible pouches, swords, and guns. Sure, maybe a knife in his boots or something but Wade could understand the guy’s disbelief in his ability to be well armed and prepared.

“No to the pouches and while I don’t see how you could be carrying much more,” Ha, Wade had called it, “You may indeed put them on the ground underneath the table should there be more. Please keep in mind Deadpool that you will also be stripping yourself of all clothing as well.”

“Yeah, well, if you can stomach the sight of my skin.”

While the curious look on Garrus face didn’t ebb at that, Wade got to moving. Best to keep going since Stryfe was going to interrogate him no matter. Couldn’t back out now anyway at this point. Unstrapping the gun holsters from his waist, Wade gently placed the guns on the top left corner of the table, making sure to take out the ammo clips for extra measure. Next came his swords, placed next to the guns at the top of the table.

“Hey, make sure you guys don’t destroy my katanas. Those are my babies.”

Garrus’ silence only continued while Wade stripped off all of his pouches next and placed them below the katanas in a tight but symmetrical order. His teleportation belt only added to the growing pile of weapons on the table.

Fifteen minutes and a long critique of the guard’s lack of social skills later, Wade had successfully set a new record of weapons on a person’s body with five sets of wide eyes staring at the various weapons which he’d taken from his body, including but not limited to: Throwing knives, his Sais, multiple grenades of all types, various ammo clips and several more guns, all of which were bigger than his desert eagles.

Which left the hour of truth... Wade had to let these unlucky bastards see a free strip show. Taking off his boots and gloves first, Wade placed them on the ground and stepped back a bit while Garrus thoroughly searched them for potential weapons. Satisfied to find nothing, Garrus motioned for Wade to continue the strip. Inhaling deeply, Wade breathed out, trying to calm himself a bit.

“Well?” Garrus asked, looking somewhat impatient. Apparently he'd taken more time than he’d thought on taking off the next piece.

“Oh, got lost in thought.” Wade chirped. Slipping off the top half of his spandex costume, Wade tossed it next to the boots where Garrus repeated the process of checking every inch of the material. When he looked back up, Garrus didn’t hesitate to look unabashedly at Wade’s chest.

“May I ask what happened to your body?”

“Ah…” Wade hesitated. They’d find out he had a healing factor anyway which wasn’t important but Wade couldn’t help but be sent back to memories of Weapon X with a shudder. “Long story short, healing factor through forced experimentation got attached to cancer that someone also forced on me.” Wade couldn’t help but clench his hands, the nausea building hard and fast. “Means I’m now the pretty specimen you see.”

Garrus’ eyes didn’t betray any emotions Wade could associate with the usual reactions he got to his skin. More like they seemed to _understand_ the parts of the story Wade hadn’t told in words.

“May I ask something else?”

“Shoot your royal manservant-ness. Well, not with guns of course, but you understand.”

“Does it hurt?”

Wade couldn’t recall the last time, if ever, that he’d been shocked into silence. Someone had asked if he actually felt anything from his hellish condition? It felt like a good 10 minutes had gone by of him simply staring at Garrus until Wade finally was able to find his tongue again.

“Does it… hurt?”

“That was the question if you don’t mind answering it.” There wasn’t any malice or disgust in his words which surprised Wade to no end. Someone was actually curious how it felt. Had Wade actually been onto something good with this idea of going to work for Stryfe?

A few extra minutes of silence and staring went by before Garrus spoke again. “You aren’t required to answer that if you don’t wish to. I’m merely asking out of personal curiosity although I do apologize if I have offended you.”

Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, Wade shook his head. “No, you’re fine. I-… it’s just no one has ever bothered to ask me that before,” Wade crossed his arms over his chest and closed and opened his mouth a few times before he found a few words that might be able to convey a little of how it felt.

“It… hurts. A lot. I remember when it first kicked in at the Dead Pool. I didn’t feel anything at first, but later I was immobilized by the pain for a few days while my body got used to it. It’s constant pain every moment I’m alive. After living with it so long it’s become a background noise to my body but its still there as strong as ever. ‘M just used to it now,” Wade finished, shrugging.

The curious tilt to Garrus’ head and understanding in his eyes actually made Wade feel a lot better than he’d ever felt before showing this much skin even though he still had his pants and mask to go. Nodding Garrus once again motioned for Wade to continue. Gulping a bit, Wade took his pants off as well, knowing the reaction he typically got once people saw the scars continued even to his intimate regions. Once again, Garrus took the pants immediately and thoroughly checked every inch. Satisfied yet again, Garrus looked up and down Wade’s visible body. The 41st century was certainly full of surprises for Wade. Garrus’ expression didn’t even flicker towards any other emotion from it’s current state. If Garrus noticed Wade’s distress at being this naked in front of him, then he gave no sign.

“I, ah, suppose my face has to go too?” Wade asked, a thread of hope that maybe Garrus would say no.

“The mask must go as well.” Garrus said, adding in a somewhat gentler tone “You’ll be able to put it all back on once we’re done.”

Well, Wade couldn’t say the answer hadn’t been expected. Slipping his fingers under the edge of his mask, Wade took a deep breath and yanked it off, holding it out for Garrus. Concluding his search, Garrus promptly handed the mask back to Wade, which let him pull it back on at light speed while a sigh of relief left him.

“You can dress again.”

As quick as he could, Wade pulled his spandex pants and shirt back on, allowing himself to slow down a bit when it came to his gloves and boots.

“Deadpool?”

“Yeeeesss Sam?”

“I- Who’s Sam?”

“Lord of the Rings, you wouldn’t get it.”

“Yes, well, if I may ask one more question?”

“Of course curious George.”

“Forgive me if I overstep any boundaries, but you seem dislike taking off your mask even more than the rest of your clothes. Why?”

Well, this manservant was full of surprises. “… Grew up in a pretty judgmental century.”

“Ah.” Garrus nodded, the understanding still there. “Follow me please.”

“We get to see the overlord now?”

“Take care to refer to him as Lord Stryfe, otherwise your meeting with Stryfe might be over too fast for your liking.” Garrus remarked, lips pursed.

Well, now things were getting super interesting. Like Luigi’s mansion interesting. Wade chattered, filling in the silence until they reached an open doorway, larger than the others that Wade had seen so far.  Peeking past Garrus revealed a dais with a relatively simple but elegant throne on it. Considering how much of a madman Nate had implied Stryfe was, the man was surprisingly simple in the décor.

Gazing at long last on the throne's sole occupant was the man of the hour himself: Stryfe, in all his armored glory, sat with his arms resting on the chair, his left armor clad knee crossed over the top of his right leg, waiting for Wade to step into the monster’s den.


	2. Tit for a tat

Walking in to the giant hall gave Wade an excuse to look anywhere except at the hot and oh-so-evil man sitting on the throne. Turning around as he kept moving forward actually scared Wade more than the idea of meeting Stryfe did. Given that, y’know, the door was closing by itself which left no visible escape. Turning back to face Stryfe gave Wade a view of his smug smile which wasn’t going to help the whole “Avoid Nate” topic. At the base of his dais, Garrus moved off to the side while Wade had the pleasure of standing completely alone in front of the big bad wolf. Or polar bear? Actually polar bear was better. Seriously, white hair and eye brows with fancy armor on. Stryfe reminded Wade of a giant polar bear. So, what would that make Nate then? A cyborg penguin maybe? … Didn’t polar bears eat penguins?

“Wait, no… They don’t even live together.” Wade said, rubbing his chin and staring right through Stryfe’s chair.

“Who doesn’t?” Oh my god… Did Wade have a new box?! One that sounded quite familiar too.

“Penguins and polar bears, duh. Seriously though, would a polar bear be able to catch a penguin if they did live together? What if the penguins were cyborgs?”

“This is relevant how exactly?” Man, this new voice box sounded pretty irritated. God, Wade hoped this new box wasn’t as bad as white and yellow. Mmmm, tingly box made his brain feel like it was vibrating.

“Because, Stryfe reminds me of a polar bear. His hair is all white and fluffy but then he has the whole armor angle. And I thought, Nate would probably be a penguin but penguins don’t live near polar bears. Which reminds me, have you ever been eaten by a bear? Not pleasant at all.”

“… I remind you of… a bear?” The voice now sounded pretty confused too but still irritated which Wade decided he couldn’t blame it for. It did live in his head. Wait… Where was the text box then?! One of Wade’s boxes was naked and alone!

“I’m not a voice in your head idiot nor am I naked.” Ha, nice try box. Maybe if Wade found the words floating in the room he could imagine a colored box for them. Maybe blue this time since white and yellow could get pretty old color wise just like their personalities, ha! Oh, wow. When had Wade tilted his head to such an uncomfortable angle?

“Oh, would you look at that. My neck is broken again.” Wade stated, feeling very zen-like despite his neck being at such an uncomfortable angle.

“Pay attention.” The voice snapped, even more irritated than the last time. Jeez, rude much voice box. Maybe Wade should just name this new voice box after Stryfe, only with a cuter nickname like Stry. Or Stry-brrr. Because it sounded like Stry-bear… Cause Stryfe reminded him of a polar bear... Get it? Ha, Wade was a genius, fuck you guys. Fixing his neck left Wade looking at the source of the irritable voice. Oh… OH. He’d been speaking aloud again goddamnit.  

“Oh is right.” Stryfe remarked actually sounding amused even though the irritation had yet to leave his voice.

“Well… can I help it if you’re a super cute polar bear Stry Stry?” Wade grinned, fluttering his non-existent eyelashes at his potentially new evil overlord. Well, fluttered through his mask but that didn’t stop Wade from trying!

“Deadpool, refer to him only as Lord Stryfe. At least try to pay attention.” Garrus snapped, sounding somewhat desperate. Life as a manservant must suck ass (and not the good kind either) if he was actually desperate for Wade to pay attention.

“So, you want to be my new pet, hmm?” Stryfe asked, ignoring both of them.

“Duh, you’re hot.”

“So glad you approve.” Stryfe remarked dryly. “As you’ve told my guard, you’re tired of Cable’s “bullshit”.” Stryfe finished, bring his hands up enough to do a pair of air quotes.

“You got it potential boss man.”

“Exactly how did he manage to piss you off?”

Wade couldn’t help but gape a bit at Stryfe. “Wait, you want to know why he pissed me off? Not like, demand to know the secret of the universe, it’s forty-nine by the way, or just start demanding what I know about Cable?”

“According to your story, you came here to _my_ castle in a different time period to attempt to serve me creature. I know all about Cable’s “heroics” or whatever you wish to call them. If you wanted to be treated well then odds are you would have stayed far away from me and mine.” Stryfe finished as he placed his chin on his now folded hands, leaning forward ever so slightly.

Huh, Stryfe was pretty good at making a point. Sure Nate would play Wade like a yo-yo but he’d treated Wade better than everyone else almost all the time. Well, except for the whole never ending cycle of Wade always getting the short stick that would always kick in.

“You know what a yo-yo is?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s a toy that goes like this.” Wade said, miming the motion of the toy with his hands. “Basically, you throw it out and pull it back in. Throw it out, pull it back in. Amusing enough to entertain kids. Or me… Anyway, that’s what everyone in my century loved to do to me. Use me and throw me out when they’re done. In and out. In and out. I didn’t mind everyone else as much as Cable except everyone. Has. A. Limit.” Wade finished, punctuating the last few sentences by hitting a closed fist against his other hand. 

“And he pushed you to yours, I take it?”

“Well, sorta. I’m already crazy so it’s not like he made me go bat shit insane. That was already there… Oh you mean that limit. Yeah.”

“So, tell me the reasons you’re coming to me then. Each and every one.” Ugh, always with the demanding and pushy tone.

“You’re a magical, all powerful psion. You already hear my conversation with Garrus?”

“Of course. Your brain is little more than static which is curious.”

“Hnnnn…” Wade half hummed, freezing for a moment. “Wait, you want all of the reasons that I ditched my time period?”

“Don’t leave out any one of them.” Stryfe said, relaxing against the back of the chair to wait.

“Sweet. I love it when people tell me to talk. Which believe me, doesn’t happen often. Well, reason number one is that I’m madder than the hatter thanks to being a failed by-product of human weapon experimentation from Weapon X. Number two is that the cutesy little old lady I know gave me cancer to force me to be a part of said program because I didn’t want to die before I was even thirty. All of my “friends” knew and never told me is number three. Number four is that my entire life has been a compounding piece of bad luck over and over again. Number five? Well, that’s Cable being an asshole when he’s supposed to be my good f- boss.” Oh thank god Wade caught himself. Implying anything close to friend was gonna lead Wade to a world of hurt if Stryfe suspected Wade of being anything more than a casual employee of Nate’s.

“So why come to me?” Stryfe asked, an oddly cute curious tilt to his head while intense eyes analyzed everything Wade said and did.

“I heard Cable talking about you and I figured if you gave me only one thing then maybe I’d be a lot better off.” Wade shrugged.

“And what exactly do you want from me?”

“I, uh… Promise not to laugh?” God, it was bad enough anyone from Wade’s time period would laugh at his answer or just look at him like he was some pathetic, unwanted and ugly worthless dog.

“I highly doubt you’d say anything so hilarious as to make me laugh given you’ve failed to so far but why would I laugh?” Stryfe asked sounding genuinely curious.

“Because it’s pretty stupid.” Wade couldn’t help but rub the back of his neck. Stryfe probably would laugh at him. One of the world’s best mercenaries asking for something as pathetic as this probably deserved to get laughed at by someone like Stryfe just for having the nerve to ask of _him_ of all people.

“We don’t know until you actually say it, hmm?”

“Affection.” Wade squeaked waiting for the burst of laughter or impending death.

Wade would bet all the money he had that someone like Stryfe was hard to surprise. In fact, Wade would bet no one had ever asked Stryfe for anything like what Wade had just told him. But there it was, Stryfe’s eyes wide with surprise staring right at him.

“Affection.” Stryfe stared. Poor guy probably couldn’t tell if Wade was joking or not.

“Yup.”

“You realize I’m not Cable, correct?” Stryfe asked raising one eyebrow.

“No shit Sherlock.”

“If you recognize that I’m nowhere near the kind soul I’m sure you’re looking for then why me?” Stryfe questioned, skepticism lacing his voice.

“Because I’m an amoral mercenary and I’m pretty damn good at what I do. Because you’re the one guy I can think of that just wants his enemies six feet below the ground and would be genuinely pleased to hear the news every time it gets done. Because you don’t have the same enemies week after week, monologuing their evil plans for you to stop them time and again while leaving them in a prison cell to break out of after a few months. Because I don’t care if you fake the affection as long as you just give it to me.” Wade finished, sounding desperate even to himself which was pretty bad. _And because I hope you won’t care what I look like or that I’m clinically insane every day._

The odd look of pleasure on Stryfe’s face told Wade he’d probably given a right answer or two in here. “I rather enjoy taking my enemies out permanently.” Stryfe agreed, smiling at Wade again. “So all you want from me is my affection and pleasure and in return, you, want to be my pet.”

“Well, one, as long as it’s believable because seriously, one pat on the head with an empty “good boy” wouldn’t work well or make me want to stay. Been there, done that. And two, duh.” Staring right back at Stryfe didn’t actually help Wade decipher if Stryfe was liking Wade’s ~~begging~~ job resume.

“I think we can work something out if you tell me everything you know about Cable.” Stryfe purred happily.

Wade was honestly surprised Stryfe was going along with this. Wade had expected a lot more laughter instead of Stryfe just accepting everything he’d said so far. “So… You’re not going to laugh at me and toss me out? Cause, y’know, I was expecting you to either laugh at me or kill me for wasting your time or something.” Wade hoped he really didn’t sound as meek as he thought he did. It’s bad enough his fans thought he always bottomed when it came to hot and clearly-on-top guys like Cable.

At that, Stryfe’s smile was replaced with a completely serious expression. “You have the potential to help me kill Cable. I shouldn’t expect too much information given you seem to be nothing more than a pet mercenary of his, that much is true but you can be useful if you’re as skilled as I’m expecting you to be.” Standing up, Stryfe walked down the steps of his dais and stopped right in front of Wade. Placing his hand on Wade’s shoulder, Stryfe slid it up until his hand rested gently on Wade’s cheek. Despite the cold armor, the sensation felt incredibly nice and had Wade’s heart hammering. “I take it you have a name besides Deadpool?”

“Wade. Wade Winston Wilson.” Wade squeaked out.

“Wade.” Stryfe said, drawing out the a in a breathy sound. “Besides being a potentially valuable asset with that healing factor, you’re human aren’t you?” Stryfe asked with a soft and sweet smile that could melt a lot of things. Like… lava melt a lot of things. Even if that smile didn’t reach his eyes where a smug confidence sat, Stryfe’s voice mimicked his smile; all warm and nice, dripping with a delicious kindness that made him feel giddy and nervous in his stomach at the same time. Swallowing hard, Wade could hear himself breathing fast, arms hanging useless at his side, while Stryfe used his other hand to lift Wade’s mask just up above his nose before it slid down to start rubbing his back.

“So, uh what did you wanna know ‘bout Cable?” Wade asked barely managing to get his voice above a whisper and feeling a little dizzy.

“Every. Single. Thing.” Stryfe whispered back, smile still in place as he placed his forehead solidly against Wade’s. This was escalating rather fast.

“Uh…” Was all Wade could manage to get out. Stryfe was smiling at him and it was making Wade’s brain go offline. That and his face was right there against Wade’s as Stryfe rubbed their noses against each other. Had anyone ever told Stryfe just how warm and pleasant his skin felt?

“Something the matter?” Stryfe murmured, voice still soft.

“Yeah, a little.” Wade breathed out.

“Like?” Stryfe asked, rubbing his lips just over Wade’s, less than a hair’s breadth away so as to leave them tingling pleasantly with very promising sensations.

“My brain is offline I think.” Wade gasped as Stryfe pressed his lips much more firmly against his lips, while a deep and warm chuckle escaped. A swipe of Stryfe’s soft tongue cross his lips left Wade wanting to spill every dirty secret he could to keep Stryfe as pleasant as he was now.

For the second time in what couldn’t have been more than an hour, Wade was left in silent shock, staring at Stryfe as he allowed a small amount of distance to be put in between their faces. “Um… It’s not like actually asked you to do that.” Wade stared before realizing his mistake. He was saying no to possibly getting a lot of pleasant physical sensations and getting laid was within the realm of possibility! “Not that I wouldn’t totally get naughty with you but I wasn’t really expecting anything more than the whole pat on the head for a good job thing.” Wade finished weakly.

Another warm, darker chuckle escaped from Stryfe’s lips while his other hand began rubbing harder against Wade’s muscles. “Mmm, I recall your skin from Garrus’ memory and the trepidation in your voice and body. Your skin doesn’t bother me Wade but I know it bothers you. I bet I could fix you too, make it stable, hnnn? But why don’t you start telling me about Cable first, pretty please?” Stryfe replied, voice barely more than a murmur and no less hypnotizing.

“Kay.” Wade’s body was starting to feel really good where Stryfe’s hand kept working against his muscles pleasantly. Did Wade really need to keep anything from Stryfe? Nice armored hands are saying no versus crazy brain saying yes. “Cable’s got this whole hippie place where he’s trying to get the whole world to live in a kumbaya state of harmony or something.” Wade’s brain might be fuzzy but Providence was still home even if he wasn’t allowed to be there again.  Providence was still home even if bad hands made him want to say otherwise. Don’t say a word about it, Providence was still home! “He’d hire me to do missions like stopping terrorists with as few deaths as possible.” Wade responded in a daze.

“How boring, hmm?” Stryfe purred, rubbing his lips back and forth across Wade’s again.

“Very.” Wade agreed.

“Where is his little fortress Wade?”

If Stryfe’s hand kept rubbing so nicely and staying in tune with that smile on Stryfe’s face then how was Wade supposed to not give away anything important?

A pathetic mewl escaped his mouth as Stryfe’s hand stopped its pleasant sensations on his back. Using the hand on his face to tilt Wade’s chin up enough that Wade’s attention was focused on him, Stryfe asked again. “Where?”

“Dunno. He always met me places or talked to me over the phone to get things done.” Wade managed as the pleasant rubbing began again.

“Tell me more Wade.” Stryfe murmured, blowing softly against his mouth.

“There’s a lot of stuff and I might get off topic a little… Ok a lot, don’t judge me.”

 “Trust me, we have plenty of time.” Stryfe grinned. Not the same nice grin he’d had but one of those eat-you-for-breakfast smiles that still made Wade shiver in an entirely slightly less than pleasant and different way.


	3. Envy and Love just don't mix

A word to the wise: never fall short of Cable’s expectations.

How many times could Wade personally vouch for that over and over? _Far too often_ , the words whispered into his ear from the little demon sitting on his shoulder.

Wade had seen the invisible parasite by looking too closely into Cable’s sparring room mirror several months back. In hindsight, it hadn’t been his smartest idea, seeing Nathan and Domino sleeping together, since the emerald green monster now refused Wade any of the little pleasures he’d otherwise be able to find in his dreary life.

Domino had left the room with one last wink at Nathan, closing the office door and taking the smile that had warmed Nathan’s face with her as Nate turned to face Wade with a deep frown and his usual sigh of disappointment. Wade’s lips pursed into a thin line under his mask as he tried to steel himself from the whispers that would follow Nathan’s critique of him.

“Wade. It was a simple task,” Nathan said, eyes settling on the whites of Wade’s mask. “Retrieve the flash drive with minimal carnage.”

_You could be better—like Domino—if you **tried** , _Envy teased, its forked tongue flicking out to hit Wade’s ear.

“Instead, what I wind up with is an entire town and the mutant liberation front youths slaughtered, and the flash drive broken.”

_It doesn’t matter **why** you failed since it won’t change the past now,_ Envy giggled, sliding past Wade’s face to sit on his left shoulder.

The tiny little dragon was a pretty emerald color, but that was all the appeal it had. The words Envy whispered turned into a poison that twisted Wade’s stomach worse than anything else. All the while, Envy’s tail curled tightly around his throat and its claws latched painfully around Wade’s heart, perforating it anew as its grip only grew tighter.

“Care to explain why?” Nathan asked calmly, leaning against the back of his chair and crossing his arms.

“Oh, I dunno, Nate,” Wade drawled slowly, placing his hands on his hips as irritation flickered in and out of Nathan’s eyes. “Maybe because your estranged mutants were playing with things I couldn’t handle all by myself? Y’know, murderous robots equipped to do one job like a Trojan condom. Except these robots from the future? They’re like your soon to be ex-wife poking holes in said condom to get more money out of you, only, this time, they were poking holes in the sole person trying to fight them off. Which, if you didn’t know, is me. Did you find my pancreas by the way? I don’t miss it—I just want the souvenir.”

It hurt. Wade wanted to tear his eyes from Nathan’s own to look anywhere else, but Nathan was staring at Wade like there was more to it than just that.

“You could have called for help Wade. At the very least I could have been there if you had just said 'Body slide by two.'” Nathan looked resigned and accepting of Wade’s explanation, like he had no other choice but to see it as the right answer. His metal hand was pinching the bridge of his nose, Nathan breathing in and out.

“So wow, much eye opening,” Wade said. If he slit his own throat right now, could someone else be at fault for once, and Nate could stand over Wade, looking worriedly at him?

“This is serious, Wade!” Nathan snapped, slamming his hands down on the desk. “Men, women and _children_ are dead in the thousands and you’re sitting here making jokes!”

“Yeah, they're dead. Want to know another joke, Nate?” Wade seethed, walking up to the edge of the desk before placing his hands on the desk and bending down enough to place himself at face level with Cable. “Me trying to give you a call on my rhinestone studded, hot pink Barbie phone while my face is shoved into a pool of, get this, _my own blood._ ”

Not to mention being strapped to an OR table while the deranged mutants had slaughtered some of the children in front of Wade’s eyes. Not that anyone cared what kind of atrocities Wade saw, since apparently he couldn’t be bothered by such things anyway.

“Oh, did I forget to mention the bright side? Being dismembered and killed turns me on like you wouldn’t _believe._ It’s up there on my BDSM list, right after getting shot multiple times and breaking my spine. You n’ me should try a BDSM list sometimes, I bet it’s even hotter with mutant Jesus doing it,” Wade added a bit more quietly, the barest hope that Nate would take the hint already somehow still alive.

It was amazing how Nate’s negative responses, like his ongoing silence as he stared down at the papers on his desk, sat stewing in Wade’s head. Why couldn’t Nate just look up and smile gently, saying it was understandable?

_Can you imagine if Nathan fell desperately in love with us? We’d have his gentle smiles and more. We could feel his perfect lips on every part of us and in turn we could worship his body like he deserves,_ Envy sighed wistfully into Wade’s ear, going back to the exciting massage on his heart. _But only Domino gets to be worthy._

“I’ll see if I can’t dig up footage for the public at least.” So I can make sure you aren’t lying to me. “I’ll be heading out with Domino this evening to investigate the next facility then. I’ll have Irene brief you on your next mission,” Nathan said, looking down at his paperwork and picking up his pen.

_It’s always Domino getting to go with him. How much you want to bet they go sparring in the gym just before they leave, during the exact time Irene is “briefing” your next mission? Maybe we should ask Nathan why Domino is so much better._

Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea. Never ask something you don’t want to know the answer to. Wade took two steps towards the door, before pausing and turning around to face Nathan again.

Maybe it was the invisible demon clutching at his heart. Maybe it was the fact that a bottle could only be filled so much before something spilled out when one tried to put the lid on. Maybe it was just Wade looking to hurt himself to get over Nathan, but he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.

“Why do you like that panda-faced whore so much better than me?” Wade blurted out, causing Nate to look up with his eyebrows raised. He should’ve sewed his own mouth shut at that, but it was a little too late to close the floodgates.

“Why is it that you’ll take her with you over me _every single time_ you go on some mission? I’m just as skilled as she is, only I get limitless respawns,” Wade scoffed, glancing to where Domino had stood earlier. Had it gotten colder in Nathan’s office? “You ever noticed that you turn into a total fucking sap over your girlfriend whenever she’s in your almighty presence? That whenever you ditch plans with me, you run off to go fuck Neena in your goddamn office?”

Wade could hear his own voice growing in volume, echoing the pent up frustration bursting out of the bottle. “Because I notice it pretty often here, Nate. Remember last month? I asked you out to lunch, you agreed, and a few hours later, you canceled on me. What did I spy with my little eyes? _Domino and you eating lunch,”_ Wade spat out, hands balling into fists at his side.

“Wade, I don’t have time for this right now,” Nathan stated calmly, resting his chin on folded hands. “If you like, I’ll make time as soon as I can so we can discuss this later,” he offered, blue eye glancing down at the rest of Wade’s body.

“ _Of course_ you don’t have time right now. You never have time for anyone aside from Neena and the politicians you suck off! When did you want to pencil me in, hot shot? Three years from now which you’ll then proceed to skip for a chance to screw Domino the gym floor, Nathan?” Wade shouted, throwing his hands up furiously.

“Wade, I have a headache and a U.N. meeting to go to. I don’t have the time or energy for your jealousy right now,” Nathan warned quietly.

It hurt. It hurt to realize that maybe Nate could see Wade’s tiny crush on him a little more than Wade had thought. It hurt to think of all the flirting, praise and numerous forms of affection Domino got over him. Why couldn’t Nate value Wade more than Domino?

“What jealousy, the kind where my best friend ditches me at every opportunity, going months without talking to me, only to criticize me for not being your panda bitch every other mission?”

There was a key difference between envy and jealousy. Both were nasty demons and every bit as vile as the other, but the key exception? Envy was desiring what you didn’t have and Domino had Wade’s entire world in her bed.

“Fine, let me clear a few things up for you then, Wade,” Nathan said, a little too coldly for Wade’s liking, as he stood up. Nathan looked good today, even in that blue spandex with ridiculously neon yellow caterpillar lines. Aside from the whole argument going on, this felt like one of those pornos where the arguing ramped up a few notches before the people started having angry sex with each other, everything forgiven and forgotten after the great sex. Wade wasn’t Domino though; he didn’t get to be that lucky.

“First off, my relationship with Domino is _my_ business. Secondly, she’s better on the missions that your insanity can’t handle, Wade, such as ones where you would need to get in and out, fast and quiet. She may not have a healing factor, but she doesn’t need one to do her job well. And, because you asked, no. I don’t mean your definition of jealousy,” Nate paused briefly, ignoring Wade’s silent pleas to just banish Wade from Providence rather than answer something he never wanted to ask, as Nathan opened his mouth again to speak. “I’m referring to the crush you’ve had on me that I noticed a few years ago, Wade, and that you’re jealous of Domino sleeping with me.”

Oh… looks like Nathan had known for far longer than Wade had.

Nathan glanced briefly at the clock adorning the wall before he looked back to Wade. “Right now this discussion is a waste of my time. I’ll see you tonight after your mission later, and we can discuss everything you want to then. Please go calm down and have some lunch, Wade,” Nathan sat down, pulling his chair in, while Wade teleported away as fast as he could to a safe house even Nathan didn’t know about.


End file.
